At The End Of The Cave
Three men walk into a cave, and hear a voice from the back.
“I’m coming to get you! And I’m going to eat you!”
The first man runs away.
They hear the voice again.
“I’m getting closer! And I’m going to eat you!”
The second man runs away.
The voice comes once more.
“I’ve nearly got you! And I’m going to eat you!”
The last man bravely walks on.
And at the very back of the cave, he finds a small boy picking his nose.

Spit Ball
Teacher: Whoever answers this question can go home now one hour early
Student: Accidentally shoots a spit ball at his teacher
Teacher: who shot that spit ball
Student: I did by mistake. See you tomorrow.

The Next Cubicle
A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
“Hey, hows it going?”
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, “Not too bad thanks.”
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
“What are you up to?”
Somewhat relunctantly, he replied, “Having a quick sh*t, what about you?”
He heard the voice again.
“Hold on, I’m going to have to call you back. There’s some wise a.ss in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!

The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”

The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”

The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”

The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

The plane began having engine trouble. It started descending at a very rapid rate. The pilot informed his passengers about the engine trouble and that they would have to bail out. There was a problem; there were only three parachutes. The four men started talking over the situation.

The Pilot stated that he has to use one of the parachutes so he would be able to tell the FAA what happened to the plane and that by doing this doing this would save countless lives. The other three agreed, so the Pilot took one of the parachutes and jumped to safety.

The World’s Smartest Man said he had to use one of the parachutes because the world relied o him for his knowledge and leadership. The other two passengers agreed, so the World’s Smartest Man took a parachute and jumped out.

The Priest and Hippie looked at each other. The Priest told the Hippie, “You take the last parachute because the good Lord will look after me.” The Hippie said, “Thank you Father, but there isn’t any problem, the ‘World’s Smartest Man’ jumped out with my back pack on.

p.s. I think the penguin joke above that another person posted is missing the punchline. The guy is told to take the penguins to the zoo. The next day he returns and the penguins are still in the car. Someone asks why he didn’t take them to the zoo. He says “I did, and they liked it so much that today I’m taking them to the park!”

I completely lost my memory for a while.
I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis and rheumatism.
I don’t know how I pulled through it.

It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.

Because he didn’t have the guts